Dropping the Christmas Bauble
It’s too easy to dream of a long break from caring, or a New Year get-away, so I hold on tightly to my family bauble, reminding myself what really matters.
Theme: The Burnout
Quick Take:
Christmas is everywhere - loud, bright, busy - but for my Milly it can bring confusion and pressure and for me, no break from caring.
I cling to my five ‘glass baubles’ - family, friends, health, hobbies, purpose - with family the one I’ll never drop if I can help it, however messy or challenging.
Letting go of expectations helps me make a Christmas that’s real: reassuring my mother, finding small joys, and holding on to what truly matters.
I love the way Christmas creeps up - quietly at first, darker evenings with a few lights in windows and the odd Christmas song on the radio. Then suddenly it’s everywhere and it’s loud, bright and busy and bubbles of excitement froth and fizz inside me. I look forward to a certain kind of fun and joy.
And then it can feel a bit heavy.
There’s no break in the caring routine, and for my mother, Christmas doesn’t really exist in the way it used to. She doesn’t care about the decorations or the buying. She doesn’t share the anticipation or the excitement - now it sort of unsettles her.
“I Haven’t Bought Anything Yet”
Over the last week she’s started worrying.
What do I have to do?
Who’s coming?
I haven’t bought anything yet.
Could you get my Christmas cards for me or shall I get them? She says this as though she might pop out to the shops later which is ridiculous, as she hasn’t been shopping for around three years and she also struggles to write now. It’s sort of funny but it’s also irritating, and underneath it all there’s a little sadness for the loss of how things used to be.
Milly and my father, like most people, loved Christmas. They shared in the excitement, kept family traditions alive, and made sure there were plenty of surprises for their grandchildren.
Now, Christmas is making her feel she’s missing something important even though she no longer wants it itself. The noise, the questions, the sense that something is expected of her - it overwhelms her quite quickly.
Five Glass Baubles I Can’t Afford to Drop
Some years ago, I read about life’s non-negotiables - the priorities that matter when everything else feels optional or exhausting. Over time, I realised mine are these five: family, friends, health, hobbies and purpose.
This Christmas, my first as a full-time carer, I’m picturing them as five glass baubles. Beautiful, meaningful and easy to drop! That’s not a negative thought - it reminds me to focus on them so that I don’t let life get too … broken?!
Family: The One I Hold Tightest
Family is the bauble I cling to most tightly. Family might be crazy and messy and demanding and full of hypocrisy - we complain about each other one minute and would do anything for each other the next! It brings me all the comfort, belonging and peace I need.
Caring for Milly is now part of what family looks like. Family comes as a whole - privilege and pressure, love and loss, all tangled together and I can’t just select the best bits.
On the days I feel resentful, I remind myself: this is what matters to me. So a couple of times already this December, I’ve had to stop. And have a moment. I have a favourite snack and I remember what I have.
I know I’m lucky. I have my husband, my daughters and their partners, and my lovely in-laws who will share a few days with us over Christmas.
Friends: Proof There Is Life Beyond These Walls
Friends are a very sparkly bauble! Lovely get-togethers, often last minute, that bring fun with care and understanding of my situation.
Health: The Quiet One That Slips First
Health is the bauble that can seem a bit fragile when I’m tired. I’ve had a few medical assessments in recent months, and the overthinking, broken sleep and disrupted routine all add up.
Without my health, I am reminded by my husband, everything becomes harder to manage.
Hobbies: Small Joys, Big Lifelines
Hobbies? My writing. My creating. They bring joy. That bauble is shining brightly - I’m publishing this blog on social media early next year, and that feels exciting.
Purpose: Why I Keep Showing Up
Purpose is the hardest bauble to describe. Not sparkly, not glistening - just solid, round, and steady, It’s the thing that keeps me going when life feels overwhelming, giving meaning to my days. It’s about growth, community, contributing and creating something that matters. Last and Found somehow holds all of that - so really, what am I complaining about, Milly?!
Letting Go of the Christmas I Thought I’d Have
As Christmas Eve approaches, I feel the pull of everything I might normally do - spontaneous plans, endless shopping trips, coffees and catch-ups, gossip and prosecco, the odd Christmas party.
Some mornings I wake up tired and dreaming of a lie-in. I feel fed up, or quietly angry at how restricted my life feels. I also worry that Christmas will make my husband realise how life has changed and he won’t find it so easy to let go of little resentments.
This year, as I picture my priorities as baubles, I ask myself which one I could possibly drop.
It’s never family.
So I’m letting go of expectations, social media excitement, and the idea of what Christmas should look like. I’ll reassure my mother - again - that she doesn’t need to do anything. I’ll answer the same questions, again and again.
Actually, yesterday I took some cash from her account and bought the presents I know she would have chosen.
I showed her what she’d ‘bought,’ and she loved the time of sharing. For a moment, it felt like the old days.
This is our Christmas. This is the bauble I’m definitely not dropping.