Shhh - forget that word!
The ‘D word’ - dementia - is too often whispered in corridors, parroted in handovers or muttered to relatives as if it explains everything. If you ask me, it doesn’t help.
Theme: The Beauty
Quick Take:
Some labels help us understand, while others really get in the way. The repeated use of the word dementia so easily shut Milly down, blocking connection instead of creating understanding.
Focusing on what’s happening in the moment - how someone feels, copes, or struggles - is more accurate and more humane.
How we talk is how we care and thoughtful words reduce distress, protect dignity, and make connection possible for everyone involved.
Words can Get in the Way
There is a real beauty in connecting with someone - it’s what makes nursing such a meaningful role. Which is why I struggle to understand why so many healthcare professionals use the word dementia so freely, and often in front of the very people they’re caring for.
When Milly hears it, she goes straight into defensive mode. I have to quickly soften it, downplay it, or distract her - sometimes by talking about an immense year (which is how my musical got its name). I really wish the word were used far less casually.
Professional to professional? When a diagnosis needs to be discussed clearly with the people who need to hear it? Of course. That matters.
But in everyday care - in handovers, waiting rooms, care homes, and casual clinical conversations - I’m not convinced it’s necessary. And I’m fairly sure it often gets in the way.
Honesty Without Labels
This isn’t about sugar-coating reality or denying the truth. Honesty is essential in nursing -patients deserve clarity about their health. But there’s a difference between giving information and reducing someone to a diagnosis. Instead of repeatedly emphasizing dementia or memory loss, it’s so much nicer to focus on the person’s abilities, challenges, and context. And anyway, memory might not even be the main issue.
I’ve found that slowed processing and difficulties with planning can be just as challenging as the more obvious memory loss.
Words Affect Experience
Language matters. Most of us agree with that statement these days! But seriously, it can shape a patient’s experience as much as the care we provide and, more importantly, we can probably reduce demands if we get the language right.
All too often, ‘dementia’ or ‘memory problems’ are used liberally, carelessly, or thoughtlessly - and it can hurt. Patients may hear it and feel vulnerable or stupid, even when they are fully capable of understanding and engaging with the world around them.
Better Ways to Phrase Things
Simple changes in language can help patients feel respected rather than defined by a disease. By choosing words that put the person first, nurses can provide care that is both honest and humane, empowering patients rather than inadvertently undermining their dignity.
In a nurse handover that is in front of the patient or client, there are, in my view, much better ways to explain.
It should be more inclusive language where possible. Instead of saying: “she was confused earlier,” how about: “You felt a bit overwhelmed when we were changing your bed, didn’t you.”
Updating relatives? Skip: “her memory is fine today.” Say: “she’s been feeling good , clear about what she wants.”
Or, more inclusive language: “I think you’re feeling pretty good today, your head’s clear and you feel fresh, yes?”
Care About the Person
Describe what is happening. Describe how they feel. Describe what they need. Forget the lazy use of words. Care about the person.
I’m allowed to say all this, aren’t I? Ex-nurse privilege!