So Pretty, Witty & Wise
Personality has its own kind of muscle memory.
Theme: The Beauty
Quick Take
The Resilience of Wit. Dementia strips away everyday practical skills, but a person's unique sense of humor and quick wit can remain fully intact.
Personality's Muscle Memory. The brain pathways that hold warmth, compassion, and lifetime wisdom are deeply rooted and remarkably durable.
The Heart Stays Whole. Even when a person is completely disoriented in time and place, their desire for safety, joy, and deep human connection never changes.
Personality Has Its Own Kind of Muscle Memory
I have learned that the parts of the brain that allow someone to be warm, funny, compassionate, or witty can remain remarkably resilient.
Milly might have no real perception of time; she is unable to plan and forgets where she is or that she needs to eat. But she can still make you laugh. She can still comfort you. She can still offer wisdom gathered over a lifetime.
Her grandchildren love to have a chat with her. It is not the long, deep, and meaningful kind of conversation, but sharing a little upset or annoyance in a simple way normally brings about the grandma they love to be with.
Dementia strips away many of the practical skills we rely on every day. But underneath those layers remains something deeply human:
The desire to feel loved
The need to feel safe
The longing for meaningful connection
The ability to experience joy
That person is still there.
So Pretty
"Happiness is the best makeup." This quote is often attributed to Drew Barrymore, and it perfectly describes how I see Milly.
She looks beautiful so often these days because she is safe, feels loved, and is genuinely happy. She loves living in her little room (which used to be our garage) with its ensuite, and she smiles with pleasure every time my husband or I walk in. Throughout the day, one of us is always there - giving her a cup of tea, serving a meal, or helping her to the toilet.
She finds it extraordinary that the moment she gets up from her chair or bed, one of us appears to ensure she uses her frame. She forgets she needs it. I tell her the little cameras bleep to alert us to a fall (“Like Big Brother,” she used to say, but now she just accepts them).
Sometimes, when I go into her room in the morning, she is confused and bewildered. She knows who I am, but she doesn’t know where she is.
“What’s going on? What am I meant to be doing? I’m not sure where I am,” she asks.
I smile and quickly say: “You’re with me, in my home, because you broke your leg and we want to help you get strong. And, of course, because we love you!”
I repeat it gently until she settles. Then she smiles - and she looks lovely. Often, very beautiful.
So Witty
Most people are surprised at how witty Milly is. Just recently, I encouraged her to take a little walk to keep mobilising. She was enjoying watching Wimbledon on TV and didn’t want to get up.
Dementia lethargy is very strong in Milly. She always insists she has just been walking - a mix of that lethargy and her skewed time perception.
“I’m fine, thank you,” she said. Then, catching my annoyance out of the corner of her eye, she quickly added: “I don’t want to lose my Centre Court seat!”
We laughed. Her humour makes our days so much easier.
So Wise
“It wouldn’t surprise me if someone tries to assassinate Trump again,” I said to her recently as we watched the news, discussing her dislike of him.
“Oh, I hope not,” she replied. “You have to be careful what you wish for. It could be worse!”
She’s not wrong.
The Surprising Sides of Dementia
Official 2025 figures from Skills for Care show that around 63% of care workers still have no recorded specialist dementia training.
Perhaps that explains why so many people struggle to understand what dementia really looks like. It is so much more than just memory loss - and underneath the confusion, the person is still very much there.