Daughter. Nurse. Carer.
Hi, I’m Aggie - one of my mother’s nicknames for me, and the one that feels right here.
Welcome to Last and Found, where I reflect, learn, and explore dementia from a perspective that may feel a little different.
This is a place where I talk about what lasts, what’s found, and what matters most.
I’m also here to share a bit of company - not answers - to say this is one way it looks, without suggesting it’s the same for everyone.
So much of what we see and hear about dementia is framed by despair and loss - grim headlines, heart-breaking films and tragic fundraising appeals. Charities such as the Alzheimer’s Society show clearly how much specialised care and support can transform family life, but sadly that kind of help isn’t often available. Overstretched social care and NHS systems are forced to rush and ration care, leaving many of us without the guidance we desperately need.
Caring for my ninety-year-old mother, Milly, who lives with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia, has shown me this first-hand. The last five years have often been hard - full of frustration, confusion, and exhaustion.
Yet over time she has helped me look at life from another angle.
My years as a nurse and in politics have also encouraged me to approach dementia with curiosity and a desire to ease my way.
Milly’s memory and thought processes may be fading, but her need for love, joy, and security remains - and there are some wonderful finds. By paying attention to these, I’ve found unexpected happiness and moments that are both surprising and quietly rewarding.
What You’ll Find Here
My Blog
This is my story as a nurse and daughter, reflecting on the journey so far and how it continues as dementia advances.
It isn’t a guide, a method, or a set of answers. It reflects one relationship, one diagnosis, and one set of circumstances - including factors that make this path gentler than many others.
I’m a former nurse. I’m not balancing paid work alongside care. I have family support. I’m in my sixties. I’m a daughter caring for a mother. And my mother’s dementia has its own particular pattern.
I know many carers live a very different reality - marked by exhaustion, isolation, fear, grief, aggression, and a lack of support. If that is your experience, nothing here is meant to diminish it or explain it away.
I write from a perspective of learning as I go, noticing what eases strain and what creates it, and reflecting on how specialist understanding can soften parts of the experience.
I delve into all sides of dementia through three recurring themes: The Beauty, the Broken and the Burnout.
The Beauty
I’m still learning and finding the small, steady moments of relief, humour, and a strange kind of peace.
For my mother and me there is a surprising beauty, a freedom in forgetting.
The Burnout
My view as a qualified nurse and former NHS manager comes in.
I think about the cost of care - emotionally, politically, and financially - and what might help me stay well while caring for Milly.
The Broken
I look at the support I need and what it really means to keep my mother safe.
Safe from what? Or from whom? What parts of the system can I rely on, and what do I need to protect myself from?
Creative and Caring Work
My writing draws on years spent working with people at their most vulnerable, and this has shaped how I see the world.
It’s rarely about ‘difficult’ people, and more often about situations we haven’t yet learned to meet with understanding.
M.A.G.I.Q. is something I created from all the things I’ve learned over the years. It stands for Moderate, Accepting, Graceful, Inclusive, and Quiet and reflects simple ideas for improving communication in care.
Empathy isn’t passive; it’s an act of attention.
Alongside Last and Found I develop creative work - including plays and musicals. You can find this work at www.creative-lastandfound.co.uk where I introduce Immense Year, a musical that explores dementia from new angles and challenges the usual stories of loss.
Whether you’re a family or professional carer, a friend of someone living with dementia, or simply curious about a subject that touches so many lives, I hope you find something here that makes a lasting difference.
Thank you for dropping in - and for those in the thick of it, wishing you love and hope in the burnout. x
