A Crazy Kind of Cruel
It’s sometimes exhausting and intense loving someone who needs so much of you.
Theme: The Burnout
Quick Take:
Losing Milly’s will shook me - I couldn’t find it quickly, and it made me question myself.
Missing a friend’s theatre invite because of timing frustrations left me fed up and restless.
I was reminded of a poem I wrote about loving and caring for someone who relies on you totally.
In a Spin
A few days ago I lost Milly’s Will, and it shook me that I couldn’t find it quickly. It sent me into a bit of a spin. When I also couldn’t join a friend who had a spare theatre ticket because my husband was busy, I felt frustrated and fed up. The experience reminded me of a poem I wrote some time ago when everything felt heavy, confusing, and all-consuming.
A Crazy Kind of Cruel Loving You is my way of capturing that mix of love, exhaustion, and quiet heartbreak.
Lies and Being Untrue
When I sing about lies and being untrue, I’m not talking about deception. I’m talking about protecting Milly - smoothing reality, bending facts, and choosing comfort over accuracy. Over time, these small untruths blur together and when I’m tired, it can feel like I’m losing sight of what’s real.
Being untrue also refers to the harder truth: not always wanting to be here, and the tension between duty and love, between who I am and who I have to be.
Pain Erupting from the Past
The line about pain erupting from the past comes from stress too. Old resentments resurface - moments I thought I’d made peace with spill out when my defences are down.
It’s A Crazy Kind of Cruel Loving You
In the quiet I reminisce,
Of faithful times that came to this.
I am tired, I’m afraid,
And I search for faith as I pray.
~
It’s a crazy kind of cruel,
Loving you.
It’s a maybe kind of fool,
Being untrue.
Dreaming of a world where I am free,
A life where all my worries cease to be.
It’s a crazy kind of deal,
A hazy kind of real,
It’s a crazy kind of cruel loving you.
~
Tangled lies and nothing lasts,
My pain erupts from the past.
Clutching at answers, that fade away.
In the quiet I can see,
I can find simplicity,
It’s a crazy kind of love,
I feel for you.
~
Out of place and out of time,
In the chaos I look for signs.
I need peace and sanity to be free.
It’s a crazy kind of cruel,
Loving you.
It’s a maybe kind of fool,
Being untrue.
~
Dreaming of a world where I am free,
A life where all my worries cease to be.
It’s a crazy kind of deal,
A hazy kind of real,
It’s a crazy kind of cruel,
It’s a battle that I always lose,
When it comes to you,
What else can I do?
~
In the quiet I can see,
I can find simplicity
It’s a crazy kind of love,
I feel for you.
~ ~ ~
The Benefits of a Good Night’s Sleep
I found the Will and had a good sleep and - all is well with the world again!