Prepared, Not Panicked
The call could come at any moment and in that instant everything changes. Who has the passwords? Who can access the bank accounts? Who knows their wishes?
Theme: The Beauty
Key Takes:
There’s a real beauty to feeling prepared.
Have the conversation before the crisis - don’t wait for the fall, the stroke, or the sudden phone call.
A simple folder today means less panic, less guilt, and more calm when it matters most.
Have the Conversations Early
This week I was listening to Si King - one half of the much-loved Hairy Bikers.
For years we watched him alongside his best friend, Dave Myers - motorbikes, laughter, comfort food and genuine friendship. Then life changed. Dave’s death in 2024 was devastating, and alongside that loss Si has spoken about caring for his mum and how overwhelming it felt when decisions suddenly became urgent.
He described arranging care as crisis-driven - stressful and disorientating - simply because there was no clear starting point. His message is simple: have the conversations early, make plans, don’t wait until you are forced to.
That’s exactly why we have a family folder - we call it our ‘When You’re Older Folder’.
Witness to Families in Turmoil
As a nurse and as a friend, I’ve witnessed families in turmoil. I’ve been there when a son or daughter is frantically searching for important documents. I’ve also tried to help when there was no heating because a bill hadn’t been paid. It’s awful. And it made me think - it made me put together a family folder.
When You’re Older Folder
The name began as a joke. Despite a number of our relatives being well into their eighties, no one in our family - except my father - considered themselves old, and independence was fiercely protected. The title, ‘When You’re Older Folder’ made everyone smile - then they put it aside, for later, for when they were older!
But its purpose was serious. It allowed us sons and daughters to mention it every so often, with little bits filled in here and there.
What started as a few notes and key documents has evolved into something far more comprehensive. We update it regularly and it has become one of the most practical, reassuring things we’ve ever done.
Ready for the Moment
Because there will be a moment.
A fall.
A stroke.
A broken limb.
Or even a sudden death.
When it happens, emotions take over. And suddenly, paperwork can’t be found. Accounts are locked. Decisions must be made immediately.
What shouldn’t add to the fear and stress is searching for bank details, wondering who to call, or trying to work out how to turn the heating on.
When everything is written down and easy to access, panic is reduced.
Knowledge Brings Calm
Power of Attorney. Birth Certificate. Bank Accounts. Direct debits. Insurance. Pensions. Utilities.
When the practical information is there, bills can be paid. Care can be arranged. Life keeps moving - and much more calmly.
It also removes guilt and awkwardness around money at a time when emotions are already high. Quiet resentments don’t build. Everyone feels steadier.
Beyond the Finances
The other thing we’ve learned over the years is that it goes way beyond finances.
Who to call to cancel a dental appointment.
When the bins go out.
Which pharmacy.
Where the Blue Badge is kept.
Small details - but in a crisis these things help enormously. Understanding the practical side of someone’s life really does stop the chaos.
Confidence Reassures Everyone
When Milly senses that we know what to do I can see her visibly relax - whether in hospital or at home in frightening moments.
She knows that if something unexpected crops up, we can manage it, because we planned.
Purpose in the Process
Updating the folder when my father died gave me unexpected purpose and security while I was coming to terms with his death and Milly’s needs.
Gathering documents. Clarifying accounts. It turned all my helpless energy into something constructive.
It also felt like an act of love - caring for all the things that mattered to him, including looking after my mother well.
Our Folder
It began as something simple. Now our ‘When You’re Older Folder’ has become something powerful.
Lasting Power of Attorney - this is vital, while your loved one has capacity
Will - know where it is
Living Will - DNR (Do Not Resuscitate Order) & Fears
Funeral - hopes and hope nots
Savings, debts, assets and account authorisations
Banks, Pensions, Property Details
Personal documents - birth and marriage certificates, Blue Badge
Medical information - prescriptions, history, GP & Dentist, Pharmacist
Legacy and wishes - the sentimental stuff, things we care about deeply
Home Emergencies - where’s the stopcock? Everyone should know where theirs is, especially at this time of year when pipes can burst due to frost. Then there’s the Fuse Box, Gas Meter etc.
Your Story - a short biography is the best way to describe this. Many people now have these as gifts on special birthdays or anniversaries, but if not, they are simple and fun to make. I made a booklet for my parents’ Golden Wedding Anniversary and it included everything from their homes to their favourite colours to their most precious memories. It’s now invaluable for carers connecting with Milly.
So if Si King is right - and I’m sure most of us know he is - the time to plan is not when crisis hits.
It’s now.