For a person with dementia, the end of visiting hours can feel like a final and sad good-bye

Theme: The Beauty

Carers are partners in care, not visitors: their presence supports comfort and safety.
Stay With Me: John’s Campaign allows family to stay, including overnight, with practical support at the bedside.
Challenging the system: John’s family showed courage in questioning rigid policies, inspiring better care.

The Doors that Closed too Easily

A “Dear John” letter usually signals the end of a relationship, a permanent goodbye. A withdrawal. An ending.

That’s exactly what a hospital admission can feel like for someone with dementia. Visiting hours end. Loved ones are asked to leave. Doors close.

The idea of saying to Milly “I’ll be back tomorrow” fills me with dread. She is so easily disoriented and frightened and the absence of a familiar face could make her feel extremely scared and vulnerable.

Carers Are Not Visitors

When Dr. John Gerrard was admitted to hospital with dementia, his family were expected to leave at set times. They saw the distress separation caused and instead of accepting it as just policy, they questioned it.

From that questioning came John’s Campaign - a movement built on a simple but powerful truth: carers are not visitors. They are partners in care and carry knowledge that no chart can document.

Let People Stay with the Person they Love

The presence of family not only reduces distress but it can also lower the risk of falls, support nutrition and help prevent worsening confusion.

John’s Campaign promotes a wonderful ‘Stay With Me’ approach that means family should be able to remain with their loved one all the time - including overnight. Some of the hospitals that have promoted the campaign offer practical support including reclining chairs or even a bedside space.

Cultural Shift

Although supported nationally, it’s considered best practice rather than a strict legal requirement, so how it is implemented can vary between hospitals.

The Courage to Push Back

I’m in awe of people who make changes like this.

I know how difficult it is.

So often, I have felt the pull of something that needs improving - a gap in service, a training need, a way care could feel kinder - and then I feel myself retreat.

“It already exists.”
“It’s too complicated.”
“There isn’t funding.”
“That’s not how we do things.”

As a nurse, I understand the constraints. I see staff stretched thin across too many patients. I know how limited training budgets can be and how inconsistently education around dementia is delivered. I also understand that high rents, stagnant pay, long shifts, and emotional exhaustion chip away at resilience of carers.

Compassion fatigue is real.
Moral distress is real.
Systemic pressure is real.

And understanding all of this can make me hesitate before I speak. Plus I can feel intimidated when I’m told things are just not practicable.

Understanding the Pressures but not Accepting Defeat

John’s family understood there were policies and that hospitals are busy, pressured environments. Yet they refused to accept that humanity should be sacrificed for routine. They challenged the assumption that “this is how it’s always been done” as sufficient justification.

That takes courage.

A Quiet Salute

So this blog is a kind of thank you.

To amazing people who don’t accept distress as inevitable.

I am deeply grateful to those who challenge policies and who work to bring about meaningful change. I salute John’s daughter, Nicci Gerrard, and Julia Jones, whose mother, June, also lived with dementia. Together, they co-founded John's Campaign, ensuring that families would no longer be forced to say a goodbye that felt like abandonment.

Whether Milly has to face corridor or ward care, I know I’ll be there to help her through the experience and if I hit any problems, I’ve got John’s Campaign to give me confidence.

And maybe next time I feel that familiar pushback - the polite dismissal, the practical objection, the weight of “too difficult” I will think of Nicci and Julia.

And keep pressing.

www.johnscampaign.org.uk

Do have a look at this website for more information and the continuing work that is being done. The campaign applies to anyone with a special need and “is therefore in line with Equality legislation as well as human-kindness and common sense”.

Dear John …