Small Minds Gossip
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
Theme: The Beauty
Quick Take:
A fall, a shrinking brain and an unexpected lesson about dementia.
Why gossip is one of the most powerful tools in my caring toolkit.
Connection, memories and conversations matter more than cleverness.
Milly's Brain Has Shrunk
Milly fell recently. It wasn't a dramatic fall and the bump to her head seemed minor, but her GP took it seriously.
It reminded me that as we age, our brains naturally shrink and that means there is more space between the brain and the skull, allowing the brain to move more during a knock or fall. An injury that a younger person might shrug off can be much more significant in a ninety-year-old.
The conversation with her doctor reminded me of something else about shrinking brains.
The Trouble with "Small Minds"
Meantime, Milly’s shrinking brain has made me see one old saying a little differently.
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."
This quote is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt and whether she ever said it or not, it has become one of those phrases people repeat as if it were unquestionably true.
Why We Gossip
But some researchers describe gossip as the human equivalent of grooming in monkeys and apes. Instead of picking fleas out of each other's fur, we bond and learn and make sense of the world by swapping stories about other people - and each other!
Connection, Not Criticism
The gossip Milly enjoys isn't unkind.
We don't sit around tearing people down. In fact, negative stories can upset her and sometimes stir old sadnesses.
Instead, we share memories of funny people, eccentric people, kind people and occasionally foolish people. We remember the friends and family who have affected our lives and made us laugh.
Why Gossip Matters to Milly
One of the things I've learned is that conversations about people are often the easiest and most enjoyable conversations for Milly and me to have.
We can talk about the news, but sometimes current events feel confusing, upsetting or overwhelming. Talk about a neighbour, however, and she is instantly interested.
A friend who won a gardening prize. A shopkeeper who had items stolen. A cousin who isn't keeping well. These stories spark recognition, emotion and conversation. They unlock memories too, and Milly often shares stories I've never heard before. Sometimes I wonder whether she's embroidered the details, or borrowed someone else's story entirely, but it always brings laughter and occasionally quite a shock.
Focus on Comfort
We didn't take Milly to A&E.
That decision wasn't made lightly. Over the years she has been very clear about what she would and would not want at this stage of her life. Brain surgery, intensive care and invasive treatments are not things she would choose.
A scan might have told us more, but it would not have changed our decision-making. Instead of a long and potentially distressing wait in a crowded hospital corridor, we chose comfort, dignity and close observation at home.
So, I say, have a Gossip!
Caring for Milly has taught me that connection matters more than any cleverness.
When gossip is kind, respectful and rooted in shared experience, it isn't idle chatter at all.
It's memory.
It's belonging.
And sometimes it's one of the simplest ways to help Milly feel part of the world.