When You’re Older Folder
A practical folder for life now - and a kindness for the future.
Theme: The Beauty
Quick Take:
A folder full of future peace of mind
How planning ahead becomes an act of care
What I’ve learned from getting things in order
Lost and Found
I lost my mother’s Will, which was a sharp reminder of the importance of getting organised - and rather on brand for Last and Found: what’s lost, what’s found, and what really matters!
I found it again but losing it was quite a jolt and it made me think I should share my When You’re Older Folder here.
First a bit of background.
No-One Feels Old
None of the older people in my life felt old.
My mother, Milly, and my in-laws were well into their eighties, but help was something other people needed. Older people. Independence was fiercely protected, and any suggestion that things might need organising was met with humour, distraction, or a swift change of subject.
I Made a Folder
I learned a lot after my father died. He was very organised, always talked about making things easier for me and kept up to date files. Even so, I found it very difficult getting everything in order and finding all the right documents.
So when I started getting all Milly’s stuff together, I decided to create a system that would not only make my life easier, particularly as she had memory problems, but also one that would suit my in-laws and I called it The When You’re Older Folder because saying “the folder we need right now” felt a bit much.
Everything inside would be current, relevant and necessary - we just joked it belonged to the future.
What It Includes
Lasting Power of Attorney
I needed to make sure this was properly completed while Milly had capacity. Lasting Power of Attorney for Property and Financial Affairs meant I could access Milly’s bank accounts, pay bills, collect her benefits and sell her home - particularly vital for if she lost capacity to make decisions herself.
Lasting Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare meant that if Milly couldn’t make decisions for herself, I would have the right to talk on her behalf about her health needs, her daily routine and any important treatment plans.
Will
I checked and updated her Will and made sure it reflected her wishes
Living Will
I confirmed with Milly - she had already made her choice with her GP - that she wanted a Do Not Resuscitate order (DNR). After multiple health conditions she was very clear she didn’t want any major action if her heart or breathing stopped. She described ‘do what you like, I trust you’ and ‘just let nature take its course’ but after my experience with my father, I kept an open mind about this (in a previous blog ‘Ready to Die - Until Not’ I described how my father surprised us all with his will to live).
Legacy and Wishes
Milly found it too difficult to dwell too much on what would happen to her things when she died but if someone mentioned something they loved she always made sure I knew. I have a few things listed in this bit but not much.
In the past she expressed worry about a special picture or an item that had been her mother’s. It might upset her that these things seemed to be of little significance to anyone else. But these days she is very laid back about her possessions and now she is living with us I feel more confident about what she would like because she slips little thoughts or worries into every day conversations.
Savings, Debts, Assets & Authorisation
Bank accounts, credit cards, pensions and property deeds. I quickly set up authorisation on her accounts so I could pay bills etc.
Household Finances
This was all pretty easy to confirm
Personal Documents
Long list to tick off here.
Medical Documents
Current Prescriptions; medical history files; GP Practice Address & Telephone Number.
My Story
I have seen many incomplete files in my time as a nurse, mainly because such open questions are asked and there is a large space to write. It quickly becomes a chore. I found simple questions requiring short answers much easier to complete.
My Story is split into chapters including: My family; My children; My Pets; School Life; Favourite Things including food, colours, films, flowers, places to visit on holiday; My Wedding; My Friends and Funny Memories; My Health; My Dreams; My Phobias and Fears (like spiders).