A Spoonful of Music
Theme: The Beauty and the Burnout
Quick Take:
Swap commands for a chorus - it works!
Music softens the grind.
Turn frustration into fun.
Think Mary Poppins
There are days when Milly says sorry for something she really shouldn’t have to. She knows I’m tired or have things on my mind and I get impatient. On these tough days, singing replaces the endless “up you get” and “come on then” with something lighter - and suddenly the frustrating repetition isn’t agony, it’s a little fun that brings the connection we both need.
Before I wax lyrical about Mary Poppins coming to mind when I care for Milly - a spoonful of sugar making the telling her what to do go down - I should admit there are plenty of days when I’m less practically perfect in every way and more Nurse Ratched running a very small psychiatric ward!
Okay, I know. Mary Poppins? Really? Bit nuts? Yeah… probably. But for me, it’s about putting on my mask to get through the tough stuff. Coping with the hard bits - with maybe a sprinkle of magic!
Singing Through It
I sing an endless mix of songs throughout the day, taking well-known tunes and giving them a personal twist to suit the moment - every familiar song becomes our story.
Each morning, as I head into her room, I start with something cheerful: “The sun has got his hat on.”
Then, while answering the same morning questions - What’s happening today? What time? What do I have to do? - Milly slowly stirs and begins working her way up the bed so I can raise the head for her to sit up for breakfast. I sprinkle in a song between each answer.
Somehow, it helps. It eases the tiredness and melts any tension. It stops me blurting out, “I’ve just told you…!”
I can even get away with: “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay…”
or “How do you solve a problem like my mother?” - she always smiles at this one.
When it’s time to start walking, with her frame, to the bathroom, a bit of folk song sneaks in. “Skip to My Lou” becomes “Oooh Ooh, skip to the loo.” And I can’t resist a bit of Manfred Mann:
Me: “Here she comes, just a-walking from her room, singing…”
Pause for Milly to fill in the next line.
Milly: “Oh, shut up.”
Me: “Singing Do Wah Diddy, Diddy Dum ooooh shut up!”
It softens our days. It makes the endless repetition feel lighter.
Finding Joy in the Ordinary
I couldn’t imagine doing this with my father. And I’m not sure I could have imagined it with Milly before dementia either. She sometimes looks at me as if I’m slightly daft - yet there’s a softness in her gaze that wouldn’t be there if I were in carer-efficient, get-the-job-done mode.
One song after another keeps the morning light. “Hooray and Up She Rises” is a great sea shanty for encouraging a speedier wake-up, and Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made for Walking” brings a bit of pizzazz.
Away in a Manger
She panics about her glasses. All the time. “Have you got my glasses?” “Have I got my glasses?” “Do I need my glasses?” “Where are my glasses?”
So I have a favourite that I sing while she walks from her room to my car - when she might ask about her glasses four or five times in the same few minutes. To the tune of Away in a Manger:
“Away in your handbag, your glasses do stay.
Close by you forever, don’t lose them I pray.”
Lessons Hidden in a Spoonful of Music
The magic is in the little things: a song, a laugh, a gentle routine. Just as Mary Poppins helps parents see more clearly, these small touches help me navigate care with patience, love, and a little joy - keeping both Milly and me a bit happier in each other’s company each day.
If you think of my day, imagine Mary Poppins - and maybe listen to Dope-Out Immense Years on www.creative-lastandfound.co.uk, inspired by My Favourite Things.