A Spoonful of Music
Theme: The Beauty and the Burnout
Quick Take:
Sing it out! If I swap “come on, hurry up” for a song - suddenly there’s less of a grind.
Inject some silliness into the day. One funny line or happy tune can turn a frustrating morning into shared laughter.
There is magic in the little things whether a song, a laugh or a loving routine.
Think Mary Poppins
There are days when Milly says sorry for something she really shouldn’t have to. She knows I’m tired or have things on my mind and I get impatient. On these tough days, singing replaces the endless “up you get” and “come on then” with something lighter - and suddenly the frustrating repetition isn’t agony, it’s a little fun that brings the connection we both need.
Before I wax lyrical about Mary Poppins coming to mind when I care for Milly - a spoonful of sugar making the “telling her what to do” go down - I should admit there are plenty of days when I’m less practically perfect in every way and more Nurse Ratched running a very small psychiatric ward!
Okay, I know. Mary Poppins? Really? Bit nuts? Yeah… probably. But for me, it’s about putting on my mask to get through the tough stuff. Coping with the hard bits - with maybe a sprinkle of magic!
Singing Through It
I sing an endless mix of songs throughout the day, taking well-known tunes and giving them a personal twist to suit the moment - every familiar song becomes our story.
Each morning, as I head into her room, I start with something cheerful: “The sun has got his hat on.”
Then, while answering the same morning questions - What’s happening today? What time? What do I have to do? - Milly slowly stirs and begins working her way up the bed so I can raise the head for her to sit up for breakfast. I sprinkle in a song between each answer.
Somehow, it helps. It eases the tiredness and melts any tension. It stops me blurting out, “I’ve just told you…!”
I can even get away with: “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay…”
or “How do you solve a problem like my mother?” - she always smiles at this one.
When it’s time to start walking, with her frame, to the bathroom, a bit of folk song sneaks in. “Skip to My Lou” becomes “Oooh Ooh, skip to the loo.” And I can’t resist a bit of Manfred Mann:
Me: “Here she comes, just a-walking from her room, singing…”
Pause for Milly to fill in the next line.
Milly: “Oh, shut up.”
Me: “Singing Do Wah Diddy, Diddy Dum ooooh shut up!”
It softens our days. It makes the endless repetition feel lighter.
Finding Joy in the Ordinary
I couldn’t imagine doing this with my father. And I’m not sure I could have imagined it with Milly before dementia either. She sometimes looks at me as if I’m slightly daft - yet there’s a softness in her gaze that wouldn’t be there if I were in carer-efficient, get-the-job-done mode.
One song after another keeps the morning light. “Hooray and Up She Rises” is a great sea shanty for encouraging a speedier wake-up, and Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made for Walking” brings a bit of pizzazz.
Away in a Manger
She panics about her glasses. All the time. “Have you got my glasses?” “Have I got my glasses?” “Do I need my glasses?” “Where are my glasses?”
So I have a favourite that I sing while she walks from her room to my car - when she might ask about her glasses four or five times in the same few minutes. To the tune of Away in a Manger:
Away in your handbag, your glasses do stay.
Close by you forever, don’t lose them I pray.
Lessons Hidden in a Spoonful of Music
The magic is in the little things: a song, a laugh, a gentle routine. Just as Mary Poppins helps parents see more clearly, these small touches help me navigate care with patience, love, and a little joy - keeping both Milly and me a bit happier in each other’s company each day.
If you think of my day, imagine Mary Poppins - and maybe listen to Dope-Out Immense Years, inspired by My Favourite Things.