M.ODERATE
Moderation turns communication into comfort.
Keep tone, volume, pace, and emotion grounded and steady.
Key Pointers: Moderation in …
…Volume
Shouting, calling out, or laughing loudly can feel intrusive or overwhelming.
…Emotion
Dramatic sadness, exaggerated enthusiasm, or forced cheerfulness can feel unsettling or inauthentic.
…Language & Detail
Too much detail can confuse or overload someone.
… Familiarity & Teasing
Being overly familiar or intimate in tone is rarely evidence of connection and teasing is often confusing or pressuring rather than fun , especially in front of others.
I wouldn’t walk up close, raise my voice, or say “How are you today, sweetie?” to a shop assistant, our manager, or a public figure - so I try not to do it in care interactions either. If I do, because I know someone well and would like to show I care, I do it quietly so no-one else hears.
If they want to be familiar or tease, it’s not an invitation for me to do the same.
Example Situations with Milly:
If I say…
“Aha! What have you been doing?
Your jumper's inside out!”
It makes Milly feel… Silly
If I say…
“Good morning, Poppet/Darling/Sweetie.”
It makes Milly feel… Patronised and like a child.
If I say…
“Is Jane is coming today? If she does you can go to your room and have tea. Or you can have a drink and a sandwich here if you like. Maybe she'd like to join in the card game."
It makes Milly feel… Overwhelmed and Confused.
I could say this…
“Before you go, can I help you with your jumper, I'm not sure, but it might be on the wrong way?!”
I could say this…
“Good morning Milly. Aggie here. It's lovely to see you today.”
I could say this…
“I think Jane might be popping in today. It’ll be nice to see her.”
Reducing the detail so it becomes less confusing.