… powered by Dementia

Theme: The Broken

Quick Take

A cosmic satnav for dementia? If only! Milly forgets where she’s going and I keep recalculating.
Dementia makes you question everything from what comes next and where Milly is heading.
My wish? Not more years at any cost - just for Milly to feel safe, happy and loved.

“How today’s eclipse can be a cosmic satnav for our love life, career and wealth.”

The Comic continues to provide the inspiration for my blog. This headline caught Milly’s attention.

Milly remembered travelling to Cornwall to see it with my father. I confirmed it was 1999.

“Was it worth it?” I asked.

“Oh yes,” she said.

“Why?”

“I don’t really know,” she laughed.

“Did it make you consider the future? It says here that it’s the perfect time to consider your love life, career or wealth.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about!”

She looked at me as any mother looks at a child who is being a bit silly, and went back to watching TV. Too much information in one sentence.

Cosmic Satnav

I can’t resist the satnav bit. I put on my best satnav voice and give Milly directions as if she were behind the wheel.

“In a couple of feet, Milly will forget why she has got up.” I laughed, far too loudly.

“Recalculating! Recalculating!” I added.

I continued in my satnav voice.

“To the toilet!” I winked at Milly.

“Now what do I do? Recalculating! Recalculating!” I laughed loudly.

“That’s our version of a cosmic satnav,” I joked.

She looked at me with utter bewilderment.

“Satnav! You need a satnav! You keep forgetting what’s next! Like the one that Pops had in the car, telling you where to go next!”

“Oh! Oh yes, I do need one of those!” she smiled, probably because she thought lovingly of Pops.

Meanwhile - According to Astrologers

It seems eclipses are supposed to be a time for us to question things. They can bring revelations. They can coincide with change, or we might make a wish and write down something we would like to happen.

I’m in.

Question Everything

Dementia makes you question everything.

Is Milly tired or confused?

Is she being difficult, or is she genuinely unable to understand what I am asking?

Should I encourage her to walk, or leave her alone?

Where is all this going? There’s no satnav for life. Or dementia. No calm voice telling you what lies ahead.

Revelations

We don’t need an eclipse for Milly to reveal things about her childhood. On some days, the further back she goes, the better her memory gets. Which means I am discovering that my mother had a whole life before I arrived. Some of it, frankly, I’m not sure I was supposed to know!

Make a Wish

As for making a wish and writing down something I want to happen?

I could wish for Milly to get better. But I know that a cure is not in the near future.

I could wish for her to live for many more years. But I’m not sure that is really my wish either, because I want something much simpler.

I want her to feel safe.

I want her to be happy.

I want her to know she is loved.

And so, when the time comes, when she is struggling to hold on to safety and love, I will stop fighting nature.

Perhaps that is one of the most important things dementia has taught me.

I can’t choose Milly’s future. I can only keep navigating and hope that I recognise the right turns as they come.

A Cosmic Satnav …